Sunday, 31 October 2010

Just back from't shed.

Blighty calling the World...........are you receiving over ?.

Well !..........As you may have expected, the Japanese chrome stood the 'acid test' and out of the murky depths of the Phosphoric bucket came the Virago Diff' intact. Hum ! I really wanted to take it down to bare metal to allow for a more vintage style coating to be applied. Looks like I'm in for a busy time with wet 'n' dry.

However, all was not lost because the lack of progress in one direction prompted it in another...

Although we head into this project with an incomplete vision of Viragoness.......some of the must have features that the Blighty Boys are famous for will once more be incorporated into whatever passes through our greasy little mits in the next months.....

So..............Number Uno........ 'We Like Lightness'.......................

How's that achieved in the Shed of Dreams ?

Method 2B - With an angle grinder my good fellow.

Bring forth the Virago Diff for it must be transformed to comply..........
Expected weight loss after 2 weeks on the Black 'n' Decker Diet ?

You tell me............
(I never did like Virago flanges...... )
Stay tuned for part 2
Yours - Albert

Sunday, 24 October 2010


Blighty reporting...........from base camp. (aka The Old Sidevalve Bar)
Many hours I've sat this week, researching that huge internetty web that's filling hyperspace with so much technophobic crap. Looking for information I was, on the legalities of chopping up old bits of scrap, reworking them into machines that will once more serve as transport for the common man on the great roads of the world...
Because that's the ride into the sunset 'owert hill 'n' far away.......

Unfortunately the task is almost impossible due to my starting position. I have a pile of scrap alright but it's Virago scrap......which means 99% useless to anyone but the brave.

Step forward Sparticus for you are the chosen one to build a chariot of excellence..........

No ! I am Sparticus ! I will rebuild it !

So it came to pass that 'The Sidevalve Committee' decreed I, Albert Crackleport should attempt to make a sow's ear from a silk nightie...(?)
Using whatever means necessary.....within reason
Such a difficult task for any human to contemplate, impossible even, for lesser folk without stiff upper lips and backbones of steel !
So in times of need I have no fear in calling on the services of Yorkshires very own 'Ecky Thump Flat Cap Chucker' Basil. K. Splutterpipe.

Trained on Cleckheaton Fish 'n' Nerks, Billy Bunter Picklingtons and Finnegans Wake Dark Stout young B.K. will be the anchor man (and Solvol polisher)in the team. Whilst I shall weald the grinder...........performing beauty enhancing surgery to this Ugly, Unloved, Pathetic, Creaking at every joint, Unbelievably Powerful Virago...

What wi' gonna build ?

Dunno yet, let's start 'n' see what happens............

First job I'm gonna try de-chrome the diff and lighten it..............(at no cost)

Tonight I've got the diff soaking in a picklin' vat full of mild phosphoric acid................

Then I'm gonna drill holes in it ! Now if that 'aint a plan.....

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

le film que vous allez voir a été realisé sans aucun trucage ni accéléré

Belgium calling
Haven't seen this one in a long time!
Despite the fake Ferrari-sound I'm still loving it !

Paris 5:00 am

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Alive 'n' Kickin'

It's taken all t' summer to fettle the 'Old Lass' (whoops - The Old Lady)
The leaves are now falling 'n' there's a nip int' air, summ'rs don' wi'.........
Get a grip Albert !
Saddle up and get thum wheels a turning.
I 'ain't frightened o' a bit o' cowld...nah ! I'm a Yorkshireman.....bred 'ont thum mo'wrs, brought up in't short trausers till I wo' 35 years owld.

So here's proowrf that I rid' 'Towld Lady' when it wa' belting it doo'wn wi' rain.

Sunday, 17 October 2010

The End is Nigh

Greetings once again dear Oilyracer fans. Albert here once more tip / tapping on the old keyboard with an update from 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'
It was with a heavy heart that I sat down and searched the almighty Google for information on pogoing and popping Viragos. It's my belief that there must be thousands of them about, a cunning plan by the Japanese to upset the stability of the Western World, making once healthy riders dizzy and blurry eyed......well your Uncle Albert is fighting back, there's enough dizziness and blurry eyedness in his life with the 'Special Falling Down Cider' that has to be consumed as part of the brewers responsibilityies at 'The Old Sidevalve Bar'. However......I digress.....
As you dear reader will be aware...Google is chock full of Bulls**t. What to believe ? and what do you laugh at with a hearty chuckle ? ? ? Ho Ho Ho...

Desperate fellows do desperate deeds..........and I Albert Crackleport stand before you all now and confess to a deed of such desperateness that I hang my head.....
I have joined the 'Fellowship of Phantom Jet Drillers'
Pause.................(while I compose myself once more)
The route of passage wasn't painful at all. In fact I now see why so many have passed into this secret fellowship. It's easy to drill jets with enormous drillingtons. Ha ! The catch ? It's impossible to turn back....drilling is forever.......a bit like a tattoo !

So, why did I do it ? Well I discovered this old magazine article on Google and decided it was true. Lured into the web like an small insect......

The Virago Holy Grail Link

Buying 10 x 0.50mm drills on line just in case I broke a couple I did as instructed, cafefully twisting the drill through the pilot jets by hand. (It was obvious this was not altering the hole by much maybe I can turn's only like having a very small tattoo in a very secret place....who will know ?)

Back in with the jets, on with the carbs, fuel lines and the rest of the Billy Gubbings.
'The Old Lady' fired up and settled down to a faster tick over than before...hum...somethings happened. Adjust tickover...... Test ride .......

Ooooh ! Aaaaah ! The luxury ! The smoothness ! The quality ! What an experience !
'The Old Lady' has delivered a ride of sheer unforgetfulness !

The Bitch is Back !
(Now that is a song title and sums up the moment)
She's a goer ! Let's ride !

The Link to Complete Virago Owner Fulfillment

Thursday, 7 October 2010

Sunday, 3 October 2010

Another chapter in Alberts scrapbook

I'm here...reporting in once more on the 'Old Lady' saga. Yes, it is rather a long winded saga but stay tuned because the ending will have all those who reach it on the edge of their seats....Nail bitting stuff is fettling old Viragos...specially when they fight back.
So, where was I ? Oh yes, at the point where the phantom jet driller had been discovered. Crafty old Albert has fallen foul of these trigger happy Black & Decker sorts before. Can you believe they penetrated the 'Old Lady's' pert little fuel metering holes ? Nah, me neither....................but they's criminal !
Lucky me ! I discover 2 un-abused jettingtons in a set of old carburettors that came as part of The 'Old Lady's' dowry. Quickly fitted my tale of woe should now be a tale of rejoicing. Let's party.....I have a special brew of Finnigans Wake set aside for such an occassion.........
Hold on.............hold on.........a test ride reveals a sideways movement and not an upward one....
Low's like riding a pogo stick, open 'ere up and she's a goer. So I still have an issue on the pilot settings
How can that be ? You can well imagine that your uncle Albert is now very very sad and unhappy. The 'Old Lady' is not responding to the tender spannering that many Viragos could only dream of....

Crackleport - Yorkshireman - Not one to spend unnecessarily - Getting more grumpy by the minute
I am all the above and I can not spend spend spend money on Mikunis finest brass jettingtons when I don't know what size to buy....The inner circle of Sidevalvers would ostracize me from the Fellowship of Onion Ticklers and Picklers for ever. Outcast into a world where a Jacobs Cracker had only a slice of Wenslydale for company. Nay I say.......don't buy jets......Eating a cracker without a Picklington is far worse than riding a Virago with a splutter believe me.

I need help.......a highly sensitive tuning ear is not enough...Maybe ye olde worlde garage instrument called a Colortune can help. So a week was spent being outbid and then eventually buying such a device on the Ebay. Crikey everyone wants them...(at the price Albert wanted to pay)

Insert glass Colortune where spark plug lives and look at the pretty colours that are happening inside your engine. A guide to mixture settings. I'll be honest I've always thought these things to be a bit of bullshit but what did I find ?
First off - No colour in the rear cylinder, none at all ! No fuel on pilot setting ?
Re-inspect jet...yes it's the correct one......fuel tap ? Strip and inspect..
Haha ! The rubber diaphram had slipped and was allowing air in thus destroying the vacuum required to operate the tap.

Imagine one very pleased Albert setting off on a final test ride.....Cracked it !
Imagine one very unpleased Albert returning.....The 'Old Lady' was still pogoing...(not a pleasant ride if you haven't experienced such a thing).

Insert colour..........
Let me tell you that when Albert is on the hunt nothing escapes his senses....stalking his prey until the kill........relentless.....silently creeping like a cat and then pounce......I will win......(eventually)
Now why are the carburettors sliding up and down on the manifold as the 'Old Lady' coughed and wheezed on low throttle.
Because some previous owner had at some time fitted carburettors from a XV1000 and Albert had changed back to standard XV750s not noticing the different flange fitting.....
Once more into the dowry, rummage around, surface holding rubbers of correctness.

If I tell you that the 'Old Lady' still pogos would you believe me ?
(Is that the name of a song ? It should be !)


But her jumping, thrusting, rough riding days are numbered.......
I'm going to change her from a cheap thrill short rider to a smooth long distance stayer........